Managing Parental Anxiety: How to Stay Calm in Scary Situations

How Managing Parental Anxiety to Manage Emotions in Scary Situations

Handling a frightening scenario involving our children can be incredibly challenging, yet managing parental anxiety and staying composed is crucial. Here’s how parents can train their minds to remain calm when facing the unexpected.

Most of us like to believe we’d remain calm under pressure. But a white-water rafting trip on the New River Gorge in West Virginia with my family reminded me how difficult it can be to control emotions when things take a sudden turn. Even though we were thoroughly instructed on what to do if our two-person raft flipped, when my 12-year-old daughter and I hit moderate, irregular waves—Class III rapids—our raft capsized, and I forgot everything.

My initial reaction was panic, and my sole focus was locating my daughter amid the churning whitecaps. I failed to get into the proper floating position and instead stayed upright, risking entanglement on underwater rocks. When I finally found her, she was floating correctly—on her back, holding onto her life vest, toes up—and grinning ear to ear, doing exactly what the guide had instructed.

I wasn’t proud of how I handled that moment, but my reaction was common. According to Marla W. Deibler, Psy.D., ABPP, founder and executive director of the Center for Emotional Health of Greater Philadelphia, anxiety is a natural reaction to fear. In such moments, our body enters fight-or-flight mode, raising heart rate and blood pressure, making it harder to think rationally as we would in a calmer state.

That experience got me wondering: Is it possible for parents to train their brains to stay calmer when the unexpected happens? Fortunately, experts say it is.

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Here are a few strategies to help you stay composed in a stressful moment.

Be Prepared and Have a Plan For Managing Parental Anxiety

Though we can’t predict every scary scenario, having a plan for certain emergencies can help us stay calm in real-time. Dr. Deibler says that in a frightening situation, we often shift to “autopilot.” This is why practicing responses, like fire drills, can be so effective—they don’t require conscious thought when it matters.

“Taking a CPR or first aid class, routinely checking smoke detectors, and keeping first-aid supplies handy are all ways to prepare for emergencies,” Dr. Deibler explains. “Being prepared can provide a sense of control and keep us calmer when faced with the unexpected.”

Darshan Patel, M.D., section chief of pediatric emergency medicine at Maria Fareri Children’s Hospital, adds that keeping up to date with basic emergency knowledge, such as CPR or first aid, can help parents feel more in control. Regularly refreshing your knowledge about home emergencies—like how to handle cuts, burns, or choking—can help parents manage their emotions and make better decisions under pressure. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and your child’s doctor are great resources for updated information.

Practice Mindfulness

Another effective way to train your brain for calm is through mindfulness and meditation, says Sarah Lowe, Ph.D., associate professor at the Yale School of Public Health. Taking time to work on deep breathing and mental relaxation makes these exercises easier to access when stress hits.

“As we build these skills, we’re more likely to use them in high-pressure situations,” Dr. Lowe says. “Pausing to breathe and focus during a crisis can help us respond with clarity.”

Dr. Deibler agrees. In my rafting incident, my panic stemmed from imagining worst-case scenarios for my daughter. Regular mindfulness practice would have likely helped me focus more on the present rather than the “what-ifs.”

“Mindfulness means paying attention to what’s happening right now: what you can see, hear, feel, and what you’re actually observing,” Dr. Deibler explains. “Adults often get caught up in catastrophizing. This can overwhelm our ability to think rationally.”

In my case, my daughter was focused solely on following our guide’s instructions, which helped her remain calm.

Reflect on Your Response To Managing Parental Anxiety

Even if we don’t handle a situation as calmly as we’d like, talking about it afterward can help.

“Reflecting and being open with your children about how a situation was handled—even if it wasn’t ideal—can help manage their own responses and anxieties,” says Dr. Lowe. “It also sets an example of emotional awareness.”

Praise your children for staying composed in a crisis, and talk about how everyone can handle things better next time. “If you panicked, don’t pretend it didn’t happen,” says Dr. Lowe. “Talking about emotional responses is beneficial for everyone and can help children learn how to handle stress.”

While my daughter likes to tease me about my panic during the rafting adventure, it turned into a valuable learning experience for both of us. I made sure to tell her how proud I was of her for staying calm and promised to do better next time—if I can summon the courage to go rafting again!

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